Let Me Tell You Something About Frunners

There is nothing like the friendships that I have forged through running. Corina, a running friend, calls them "frunners"...friends who are also runners. We became friends because we run, but we remain friends for so many reasons besides running. My frunners are the most supportive group of people that I have ever met--capable of forming a "Bubble of Love" around a fellow frunner in need (another Corina term) and this week I was fortunate enough to experience my own Bubble of Love.

The story isn't about running, but about music--my profession and a mainstay in my life since I started playing clarinet twenty-five years ago. I have been a member of the Metropolitan Winds, an all-volunteer wind ensemble, for ten years now. I have written about them a few times as my playing with them has had some close brushes with running. Remember that time that I ran a half marathon and then played two concerts...in the same day?? Or as recently as this July where I ran a very hot 15K and then performed in a matinee concert. This group and the experiences that I have had with the group mean alot of me and have for many years now. Did you know that I unknowingly delayed my Valentine's Day proposal because there was Met Winds rehearsal on Valentine's night and I didn't want to miss it. Yep, poor Erik had to wait one more day and propose to me on February 15...all because I didn't want to miss band rehearsal. I have been a loyal member for ten years, rarely missing rehearsals and only missing one or two concerts (because they conflicted with out-of-state music therapy conferences). I have loyally paid my dues every semester, bought tickets so my friends and family could attend concerts, and have made extra monetary contributions whenever the group has asked. I might not have been the flashiest player in the clarinet section, but I was beyond loyal to the group.

When we returned to rehearsals this September it was announced that they wanted to cut the size of the group by about twenty players. They reasoned that the band had not been playing up to par lately and that a smaller group of stronger players would be...well...better. The new ensemble would be selected via auditions that would be held a few weeks later. The very thought of an audition freaked me out. I am a strong section player but am not used to playing alone or auditioning since I have not done it since college. I had lost some of my clarinet mojo, you could say, but I took the audition music home and was committed to learning it so that I could have a strong audition. Fast forward to this week--I show up on Thursday night, wait around two hours to audition, perform the best that I could, and was told that I would be a first alternate to the section. The group had been recruiting for performers and had found some new and flashy players to take my spot. It was the first audition in my life where I didn't make the group, so I felt pretty shocked. Needless to say, I was heartbroken and cried as I drove home in the rain.

You might wonder where the frunners come in...well, I had been tweeting to them during this whole process. I expressed my concern about the audition and expressed my impatience as I waited so long for the audition. They cheered me on before and during and then checked in with me when it was finished. The outpouring of support was overwhelming at times...seriously, it would start me boo-hooing all over again to read some of their tweets. Running is alot like music and I think that they all understood the pain of putting your best out there and it not being enough. I would be remiss if I limited the support just to my frunners, Erik has been so sweet and supportive--he had a glass of wine waiting for me when I got home and has listened to me talk through the whole thing over and over. I have also felt the love from fellow musician-friends and my coworkers. It stinks that it takes a crummy situation to make you realize how lucky you are, but sometimes that is what it takes. Thanks to everyone who reached out to me, it means alot.

So where am I headed from here? I have no intention of filling in as first alternate. If they can't offer me more after ten years of loyal support then I will find another place to share my talents. I'm going to take this time and focus my full attention on marathon training and then I will begin to explore new performance opportunities in January. It is important to me that I play my clarinet somewhere because it is a big part of who I am. Will Thursday nights be hard? Probably so, I have spent most of my Thursday nights for the last ten years at rehearsal. I have made some wonderful friendships in that group and I will miss seeing all of those faces. But I am moving forward too, I have already signed up for a 5K on a Thursday night in a couple of weeks and I am so excited! I always wanted to go to some of those random Thursday night races, but never could because I had rehearsal. I have even considered getting some Thursday night social runs together, how fun would that be? Hill training, anyone? Trail runs? Speedwork?

As I drove home, I heard a favorite (and fitting) Green Day song on the radio. These lyrics really hit home that night:

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.